Corporate Speak

Pet Peeve Alert

My endless job search has me up to my ears in corporate-speak, that bastardization of the English language that tries to sound intellectual or high-tech but instead comes off as pretentious. People who talk this way usually seem fairly intelligent. I don't get it. Are they lemmings? How about speaking plain English instead of saying crap like this:

"That’s why we facilitate several executive committees and executive resources designed to empower superintendents, as well as to leverage their input to make our solutions as effective as possible."

I may barf the next time I hear one of the following terms:

Partner

Come on salespeople, we are your clients or customers. Do you think we'll go all gooey inside if you say you want to partner with us?

Leverage or Utilize

Somewhere there must be a corporate manual that requires substituting a 3-syllable word when any normal person would say "use." I once heard a computer trainer say "leverage" 10 times in 15 minutes without ever using it properly. How about you leverage a dictionary once in a while.

Solutions

You sell software or services or products. If I want solutions, I'll go to Dear Abby.

Resources

We are people, staff, human beings, not resources.

If I ever get a job with one of these companies and start talking this way, please somebody shoot me!